The Little Way

Silent Retreat!

2012-02-24T01:52:00.000-05:00

So, I sadly didn't make it to St. Leo's for Mass ;(

But TODAY! I'm going on a Silent Retreat until Sunday. I'm really excited!

Also, here's a thought:
you could go your entire life, passing by, one degree and not know who you're supposed to be with, until it is revealed and satisfied with the Lord.

Thanks, concept from the Soulmate book.

Lenten Goals

2012-02-22T12:21:00.001-05:00

It's Lent.

Wow.

Crazy.

I didn't make 6:15 am Mass at St. Leo's (aaaaugh) but I am going to try my best for 7:30 pm there!

Anyways. Here are some of my Lenten goals:

Prayer:
-Holy Hour every day I can (if I can't, offer up an hour of my work in thanksgiving to God)
-Mass everyday, as much as I can (only exception: say if I'm on retreat, etc.).
-Total Consecration (this just sounds so cool--I hope I can have the heart/grace to do it)
-Liturgy of the Hours, the most I can too.
-At least one or two decades of the rosary every day. I mean, I could do more/less, but there are a couple Spiritual Bouquets I've been struggling to finish (because I kept track, and then lost the sheet that I was keeping track on), so I need sincere discipline.

Giving up:
-Facebook games. Honestly, I'm more addicted to facebook because of the games. Yes, I do check to see notifications and such, but if it wasn't for the games....
-Facebook chat. Just because so that way I can check notifications and then sign off.
-Pasta/pizza place at Southside (one of the dining venues). That's going to be hard, because I pretty much get that daily... I'm not giving up pasta/pizza in general. Just from there.

Personal:
-Think about one positive thing for every negative thing you think about of a person. Even if you absolutely do not like them whatsoever. (I've already, unfortunately broke this one ... But I'm going to try harder!)
-Waking up at 6 am (if I can) every day to run with the lovely Amy at 6:30 am every morning! Then we'll conclude by doing Morning Prayer together. I'm going to be doing intramural basketball...so I think I should prepare as well as to get exercise.
-SLEEPMORE. this is a hard one. Especially on Mondays.
-Blog every day.

And that's all for now. Off to master class. I just had my first meal, so no food for several hours for me. But, really....it's Ash Wednesday. I refuse to eat cake.

EDIT, 4:09 pm: My parents are awesome and going to adjust their schedule so they can take me to Mass at St. Leo's. LOVE IT.

Currently Reading ....

2012-02-19T23:55:00.000-05:00

Well, I haven't bloggged in four days.

I really should more often. That should be a Lenten goal.

Anyways...

I'm currently reading four awesome books, predominately (there are more I'm kinda reading too).

Book Number One: The Bible
I need to get back to it, but the Bible in a year. It's been a great journey thus far.

Book Number Two: I Believe in Love by Fr. Jean C. J. d'Elbée
This book is greatly inspired by St. Therese of Lisieux. I just simply love it. It is teaching me ways to love and to love God even more deeply. It's just so beautiful.

Book Number Three: The Life of Saint Joseph as manifested by Our Lord, Jesus Christ to Maraia Cecilia Baij, O.S.B
Okay, so in some capacity, we're all called to marriage. So why read about a great example like St. Joseph? Just saying...

Book Number Four: Lady in Waiting
I'm reading this with some CCM girls, Amelia, Kara, and Kathryn. Victoria joins us too ... and Rachel and Jess crash. I love it.

"Finally"

2012-02-15T22:17:00.000-05:00

"FINALLY".

Those were words I read on my sister's boyfriend (...yes, I did say 'boyfriend')'s comments on facebook when he and her made it facebook official.

Finally what?

Finally you are making the first step to possible marriage?

Probably not.

Finally are you going two to be dating?

Oh c'mon, everyone who saw that coming knows it is.

Finally, you're dating someone.

Let me emphasize this ; there's NOTHING wrong with being single in high school.
Yes, society portrays it differently.
I often yearned for a guy to like me in high school.
Looking back on it, I'm glad none of them different.

I dunno.

FINALLY to describe a relationship on facebook. Not a fan.

Back to studying.

Happy St. Valentine's Day!

2012-02-14T11:28:00.000-05:00

Happy St. Valentine's Day! May you all remember the greatest love today!

Who/What I love:
1. God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, angels & the Saints & Mary & Communion of Saints.
2. My family.
3. My friends.
4. CCM.
5. Being in the music school.
6. Being able to have an education.
7. School (not the grades, though!)
8. Learning.
9. Helping others.
10. Fellowship.
11. Teaching.
12. My Irish-Polish heritage.
13. My mentors.
14. EVERYTHING about life :)

:)

2012-02-12T10:47:00.000-05:00

I love life.
Love our Lord.
Love God.
Love the Angels and Saints
Love Mary.

And I know God wants me to study music ed.
And I know I'm supposed to be at Mason.
Love my life.

I know I'm supposed to be here.
Even if 1.5 years ago, I got that news.
So what?

God wants me here.
I'm here.
Maybe FH will be right.
Maybe not.
But I know I'm supposed to be doing music ed here at Mason :)

I love life.
I'm just going to smile brightly because I love life.
And if I don't appear like I am smiling when I see you
it's because my muscles are tired for the day.

Oh hey....

2012-02-11T01:06:00.001-05:00

So I just was checking facebook.

Three years ago from the 10th was when I got into Mason academically. I was so thrilled.
One and a half year later, Judy died.
I thought my world was ending, because she was the reason I was going to Mason (plus CCM of course).

But. As Ecclesiastes 3:11 says of God making everything beautiful in His time, oh He has. Oh yes, indeed He has.

And who can forget what was said to me a month ago from Wednesday ;)
just kidding.
But that may be why too.

Can I just say how PSYCHED I am for Silent Retreat? 13 days away!

:)

2012-02-11T00:32:00.000-05:00

"I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me.
And to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.
Know that I love you utterly. I AM God.
Believe it and be satisfied"

-St. Anthony

Okay.

So maybe I'm just a little obsessive?

But I cannot fully express how much I LOVE the "Be Satisfied" prayer.

And I mean LOVE.

It makes so much sense.

You love Christ so so much. He let's you have His most Sacred Heart surround & consume your every being.

Without that, how can you experience human love?

We're broken, we're sinful, we're not perfect.

But God is.

Therefore, His love for us exceeds all beyond expectations.

And we need our love for Him be the most perfect love in order to have the most perfect humanly possible love for us.

....with this said, I need to go back and spend a lot more time praying to Him and talking to Him. I really do. But I just feel like I love Him so much, it's so easy to love others and to laugh with others.

.... mostly. There are still a few people who it's difficult to reach out and love them. But I'm really trying. It's just difficult.

I just love being in love with Christ & being in love with His will. Yes, there are still times I feel like I've spurted out things I shouldn't have said, protest. .... but I love Him and He loves me and .... I kinda want to go to Confession this week.

My heart

2012-02-09T00:34:00.000-05:00

My heart is with the Lord.
My hear rests in Him alone.

My heart is filled with love for You.
To glorify and to praise You.

Yes, I'm human.
Yes, I make mistakes.
Yes, I know I'm not perfect.
But that's because You are.

I desire Your will for me, O Lord.
Be my rock of refuge
and my strength
and You will never leave me astray.

Books books books!

2012-02-07T15:29:00.000-05:00

So, I'm in the middle of reading several books right now. But I got a new shipment of books in today and I'm excited!

Praying for Your Future Husband - well, regardless of what life I'm called to (minus single), I am going to be 'married'. If I'm a mom, my dream husband is one that I can see Christ through you. If I'm a sister, my husband will be Christ. So I'm curious to see where that book will take me!

(Please note, there have been some weird 'God-incidences' in my life that lead toward a certain guy friend of mine (and if you are the guy & are reading this, please don't take this the wrong way) .... such as praying for a sign to a Saint about it and seeing a Holy Card & medal-like of the Saint the next day. However, I want to grow deeper in our relationship with God and grow deeper in our friendship, if you do like me. And if we date, we have to give our hearts to God throughout the whole process. Always. Besides, the guy asks the girl, right? Don't have this be a cause of you to be afraid to admit it - if you do, you can admit it! Just we do need to grow in friendship a lot more. We both know Christ is love. Christ has my heart right now and He will continue to have it. I still need to grow a lot closer to Him. I may be 'in like' with you, but I'm growing to love Christ more than my 'in likeness' of you, but the two are connected to some capacity. But Christ is more the center)

Lady in Waiting - A group of us girls in CCM are going to be doing a book club on it. Sounds good, right?

I Believe in Love - I LOVE St. Therese. Granted

So now I shall go back finishing up my Philosophy class application so I can turn it in tomorrow! Dinner with Julia & YA tonight! SO. PSYCHED. If you told me I'd be going to a YA meeting five and a half years ago, I would have laughed in your face and said 'that's saying that I would be at the music school at Mason.

Well, I'm at the music school at Mason ... and I'm going to YA tonight ... so ....

love Christ's mercy. That's why I love Him so much.

Go

2012-02-03T16:42:00.000-05:00

"Go and make all disciples of all nations".

We are all called to be examples of Christ in our lives. I admit, I fail. It's human nature. But the key is to move forward from those experiences and to be a strong person of faith and witness and example. We're all called to be Saints/saints, so why not try?

I never feel vulnerable with my faith. I just feel consumed by a huge fire of love that loves me and that I love back.

I discovered the other day (well, really, Wednesday) when I started the Novena for the Contraception mandate that you can almost a set of mysteries (i.e. 5 decades) of the Rosary (quickly, though) from around Southside to the Chapel.

So. cool.

I love sharing my faith. Granted, I'm probably not the best example of wanting to share it. I don't want to be. But I desire to do it as God wants me to do it, because He calls us all for a purpose and to be the best version of ourselves possible.

food for thought at the Chapel.

back to homework.

Why I Am Pro-Life

2012-01-23T07:49:00.002-05:00

(credit: http://www.waterbirthbaby.com/)

Today is the first day of classes. I have been up since six, and I'm sitting here in my room, leaving soon to practice before I have my first class at 8:30 am (but looks like I'm not going to be able to because of this post). I've said Morning Prayer, checked facebook, downloaded the newest episode off iTunes of "Once Upon a Time" from the season pass I bought (and I neveen the buy Season Passes off iTunes....that should give you an indication on how much I love that show), and am all dressed & packed to go. I have hot water boiling for tea, but other than that, I just need to grab breakfast, pour tea, grab a water bottle, finish this blogpost and go.

However, what makes me different (and the majority, if not all, of the readers here) on this blog is I'm not one of the 50 million (at least) children who were aborted as of a result of Roe vs. Wade. And sometimes, I feel guilty. Any baby that was born 1973 on, sadly, could have been vulnerable. But I got life. In January 1973, when Roe vs. Wade was passed, my mom was going into her second semester of college. That's really weird for me to grasp, honestly, sometimes, because at the same time, my dad was over 6000 miles away, about to start his final semester of high school.

But why is all that relevant?

The fact is, they didn't meet and get married until they were 'older in life', per say. So to have two children in this 'older in life' stage, let alone, is a blessing, because an argument made is how the woman is more vulnerable when she's older having children.

I'm pro-life because I believe every child is created in the image and likeness of God, at conception. At conception, I believe, is when God thinks 'aha! Sending -insert your name here- into the world to do work to build the kingdom of God!-.

Okay, so you're reading this, and don't believe in God or a deity. Okay. So, then everyone is created for a purpose at the time of conception. I mean, your mother and father ... yeah ... and then that fertilizes the egg, which forms an embryo, which is a living human, with eight weeks later becomes a fetus, only because their are recognized body parts.

I mean, when I googled the definition of embryo alone:
"An unborn human baby, esp. in the first eight weeks from conception, after implantation but before all the organs are developed"

What key words struck a chord with me?
Unborn.
Human.
Baby.

But above all?
Human.

The fact that human was part of this stage of the human development should be a cue word for people. But no, people don't believe it is a human. Unborn? Protect the unborn. Baby. You don't go around killing a newborn baby, who is just as defined as a baby than anyone under eight weeks old in the womb.

Life begins at conception. There's so much scientific evidence out there. Including this article from Princeton. Princeton.

That's why I'm so against, too, contraceptives, too. And contraceptives prevent the even thought of conceiving a child. Just don't have sex. I'm sure you could argue one of those things that's easier said than done, you could argue, but the point of intercourse is to create the possibility of a child. If you're not old enough to be married, you are not old enough to be a mother and old enough to have sex, in my opinion. And I know people who things happen, I don't condemn your mistakes....I command you for choosing life. I am so proud of you for keeping the child, but I know it may not be an easy process. Part of a mother's responsibility is to protect, love, and cherish the child at any point. Even before having sex, I believe, a mother should love their future children.

Then again, for the record, if you are my friend and you don't agree with me on these issues, I will still love you and I will not treat you any differently. I may never understand and that may frustrate you, but please don't let our political & social difference be a dividing line in our friendship. I'm not going to let it be as long as you won't.

I mean, granted, although the teen characters go around and have sex anyway, at least the ones who got pregnant in tv shows such as Quinn in Glee (Beth) and Amy in Secret Life (John), they kept the babies. In Gossip Girl, Blair lost the baby because of the accident she and Chuck got into (but she would have kept the baby, because she makes comments about loving the baby, etc.). In Once Upon a Time, Emma kept Henry (she just gave him up for adoption), and it was because of . It provides development to the story, arguably, but at the same time, the children are used for purposes. Beth is used for Shelby's second chance of being a mom. John teaches Amy how she needs to be responsible and creates a change of heart in Ricky (yes, not the best example, I agree, it's not... but it is what it is). Henry finds Emma to bring her to Storybrooke. Yes, Blair lost the baby, but at least she loved it. I'm sure there are plenty of other examples. I just googled a few.

On adoption .... it must be hard to give a child up. But would you rather have the child have the best possible life he/she can have, or kill any possibility of them enjoying life and any one thing you enjoyed? Just think of one thing you enjoy. What if your unborn was deprived of that one thing you love? What if you were deprived of it because you never got exposure to it?

Granted, this may not be the best argument (other people argue it better). Granted, too, I sometimes take my life so much for granted and don't really appreciate my life. But I really should. There are so many babies who didn't even get to step on Earth and embrace life... so maybe I should start being more grateful in honor of them: the ones who never got to choose what to be in life.

On the opposite end, pro-life doesn't mean just being against abortion. It is also the end of life, respecting the elderly.

But, I'll save that for another day.

Truth.

2012-01-18T00:37:00.005-05:00

My dear friend, Sarah, posted this on facebook yesterday.

I'm sorry, gentlemen, but if there's any way at all you want to win my heart .... bingo.

Oh, and be a really devout Catholic.

Oh and oh the irony in a lot of these.

Daily Bible Verse .... oh irony

2012-01-16T01:38:00.004-05:00

"In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.~Proverbs 3:6"

I've acknowledged Him on everything.
He's directed me.
It's just a matter of time.

The Pro-Life Rally for the Archdiocese of Washington was amazing. It's so sad, though, that it needs to happen, because of Roe vs. Wade. But I'm thankful for amazing opportunities to stand up being pro-life.

I'm so grateful for Fr. H for telling Mike Ma. for it . Haha, Fr. H and I had quite a number of small worlds, it was amusing after awhile.

So, overall, fun evening with Mike Ma, John L., Fr. H and two other guys Dominic & Jack (but they left early).

And Tony Melendez is and will be one of the most humble people I will have ever talked with. My entire life.

A letter

2012-01-15T02:18:00.004-05:00

Dear You:

I remember what you did, I remember your lie. I have forgiven you. It still rather stings sometimes, I'll be honest. If you read this, which honestly, you probably don't even know this blog exits, as we're no longer friends on facebook.

I don't think you fully understood the extent of what you did. You're the reason it's so hard to trust guys, let alone people. It's the idea you were a 'good guy' and I was told that by so many people I trusted, that's why it hurt almost three years ago. I was told you had a 'heart of gold'. Well, it seemed like you have a 'heart of steel'. Yes, granted, a lot of it was my fault.

I'm sorry if I did anything to provoke it. I pray you find truth and understanding. Please come back to your senses. That response .... not called for. You know yourself better than you think you do. 'If I'm sober enough?' no. you should know better. I pray you come to your senses, really. Because you're going down a miserable road by the sense of what I just read.

You are the reason I'm weary about guys. And trust. And all of the above. But, I believe if there would ever be truly a guy that ever liked me, which you seem to think that will be the case, God will help me deal with it. Because honestly, the idea of that scares me more than anything. Oh wait, God loves me, Jesus loves me, I love God, I love Jesus, etc. So, you're wrong. Will a human guy ever love me? I don't care if a human guy ever likes me. Because of those reasons alone.

I'm so glad you never did. But I really felt like you did, but you didn't want me to get hurt because I didn't know your true self. The fact you had a 'mental breakdown' is no excuse for what you did. I hope you realize it. Which, I'm so glad you never did in the long run. It caused me to build up a wall on things, yes, but still.

And I do feel called to the Sacrament of Marriage, but do you know what? God heals everything. So with this all said :

May God bless you this new semester at W&M.

Sincerely,
JAS, 2:22 am, 1-15-2012

Oh, that felt great to write out.

And yes, I know it's public.

But it needed to be.

PATIENCE (pt 2)

2012-01-15T01:28:00.003-05:00

You knew it was coming .... part two!

God, show me guidance on this situation that's causing me so much uncertainty, especially after showing me somethings earlier.

And oh, may I say, Noeli had an awesome status?

"There is no such thing as the right time, the right moment, the perfect timing...stop waiting for the final sign, the right sign, the look, or the right words. There is only now, today, and this moment. There is what exists and what does not. So it's up to you...do not let fear stop you from following your heart."

Alright, here goes nothing! -opens up Bible-

1. "Whatever the LORD wishes He does in heaven and on earth and on earth in the seas and in all the deep" - Psalm 135:6

Really now?

2. "When one finds a worth wife...... city gates." - Proverbs 31:10-31

Really, God?

Alright, well, to quote an awesome Saint (St. Josemaria Escriva):
"I want whatever you want. I want because you want, I want however you want, I want whenever you want."

To quote another awesome Saint (St. Anthony of Padua)
"Don't be anxious, don't worry."
"I'm working at this moment to have you ready at the same time"

I love being Catholic, I love God, I love my faith, it means the world to me. I really wish that things went differently in the past, but with His merciful forgiveness, I have forgiven that person.....

Six years ago ..... five years ago ..... four years ago .....

2012-01-12T21:03:00.007-05:00

Snapshots from my journal:

1-12-2006:

2006: "Anyways, I kinda want to ask [to winter ball] -kinda- someone in my R9 class but I have no courage (plus mom=no probably). Qui? -puzzle of name solving but I get it anyway- Get it? Man, he's so nice and all."

2012: JA. He was "NICE". Just "NICE"? 1- you barely knew him, 2-just, why. 3-He's NICE? Not "He's Catholic" (which he is, but not that practicing). Give me a BREAK. Glad he didn't like you at all.

1-12-2007

2007:
2007: "I am sooo excited except I'm sooo scared. What if my dreams [of being kissed] do happen? I mean, the ones with (edit) wouldn't be a prob. and it varies with (edit).

2012: You were RIDICULOUS and a bratty teenager. What is the big deal? You wanted to save it until you got married when you were little, and God's rewarding you with that, if your vocation is marriage. Calm. Down.

1-12-2008:

2008:

"Please God - whatever Your will is, let it be done. I trust You know what's best and I may not always know....reasons I like him: -list of seven reasons-. I think those are the main

2012:
Fee fi fo fum .... I smell one thing not on the list. Catholicism. HELLO??? All the rest of the reasons? All valid reasons. But do you fully know that in a group setting? No. Just, be glad. At least you spoke some sense in that entry about God's will....

If I told my 14-16 year old self that I do now:
Be Satisfied Prayer
St. Josemaria's Escriva prayer to the Holy Spirit
Night Prayer (Need to go back and do all Liturgy of the Hours)
A Novena to one of my favorites Saints (actually, really, my third after St. Therese & St. Cecilia, I just never realized until recently how much I love him.
Trying to read the Bible in the year

I would have laughed, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed and said "...this is the elementary school JA. This is not you! What are you doing?"

But my 2012 JA would say

"You started to go back to how you were in Holland. Trusting in God about stuff, for starters. But we're human, we all make mistakes. Just remember you need to be satisfied in our Lord and patient and have wisdom for answers. And, as as dear friend said, 'Sheer goodness, nothing but love and answer to the desires of your heart'. You said yourself in sixth grade the most important characteristic of a guy is his Catholicism (amongst other characteristics). Well, none of those guys are longer seriously practicing (relatively, compared to CCM guys). The point is God takes care of you, and if He is calling you to the Sacrament of Marriage, you have to be in love with Him. And that's what I've been doing -- more falling in love with Him than ever before, as much as I know there's probably in the back of my head mixed feelings for a guy. Let God take that feeling. He will make everything beautiful in His time, not yours, so stop rushing!!! Kudos to 2008 JA (again) for starting to believe it. But you need to believe it more and grasp it. Because if God has shown me who I'm supposed to be with, if I get married, I have to be ready. I may or may not know Him now. But seriously. Just be patient and be thankful that He has and will rewarded you, despite your negligence and unnecessary obsession with BOYS from high school.

Just one example of mercy and forgiveness.

And Praise the Lord for that.

The John Carroll Society

2012-01-08T14:52:00.004-05:00

Words cannot express how much I love this organization. Words cannot express.

Website-it's so amazing.

The first time I ever went to a John Carroll Event, I was five at the Epiphany Brunch, so you could say that going today is like my 'Anniversary brunch'. Peter Kreeft spoke, supposedly.

Over the years, there have been countless Archbishops, Bishops, theologians, holy men & women, Cardinals, etc. I have met as being part of this.

It's always a humbling experience, just serving them.

It's my home. It's where I love serving the Church. I just love it.

I'm so sad I don't have any more John Carroll events until October, because of ASB.

But ASB in Illinois will be amazing and enriching, so I'm excited for that.

Best friends!

2012-01-04T22:50:00.002-05:00

Well, I've had a couple best friends that have helped me this year alone, already :)

one: The Three Minute Retreats

two: Liturgy of the Hours - Morning for Evening prayer, as I'm trying to figure it out in. ....

three: Book of Christian Prayer for Night Prayer

four: Reading the Bible in the year! So far so good! (... granted I need to go do it tonight after this post)

five: Be Satisfied! St. Anthony is the bomb!

six: speaking of St. Anthony: Novena! Story goes, last Tuesday, I felt like I should pray to St. Anthony about stuff, and if it was supposed to happen, and I would find a novena to him. Well, I did. And the novena goes for nine Tuesdays!

seven: St. Faustina's Diary.

eight: St. Josemaria Escriva's prayer to the Holy Spirit.

eight: just general prayer

Hope I can keep this up .... haha .... but I have been! And I will! I can do this!

Given peace on something pertaining to God's will (that's potential, but still is not ultimately my decision) makes me want to revert back to how I was when I was in elementary school and wanted to read the Bible and just become immersed in the faith as much as I could.

And now, here it comes again.

I just feel so free.

And I may be going to Houston next summer. YAY! I can't wait to see friends there :)

2011: Year In Review

2011-12-31T12:10:00.002-05:00

First off, I hope everyone's having a lovely Christmas season! :) I had a nice trip up to Massachusetts to visit my dad's family. Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas day!

Now ... end of 2011.

To quote someone I know, "I resolve not to make any New Years Resolutions".

Well, I lie. But I looked at my list from last year.

Wow, I was terrible at keeping them.

So, I resolve to more, in 2012, then

"Pray, give, smile, discern, flexible"

Pray - just pray more. Just read more. Just be open to what the Trinity, Communion of Saints, they're all telling me and pray more and grow closer to them than ever before.
Also, along with my dear friend Sarah, we're going to do Bible in a year! We can do this!

Give- Give selflessly : whether it's time or actions.

Smile - As Mother Teresa said, "Holiness is doing God's will with a smile".

Discern - Discern little v's throughout my day (little vocations what God wants me to do).

Flexible - Don't be afraid to what God brings me next and be open to whatever.

A Highlight or Two or Three from Each of the Month of 2011 (just because I don't have something listed doesn't mean it's not a highlight. Just FYI):

January - Focus Conference 2011! I began not being afraid of God's call.

February - Coffee House, connecting with the Healds--hopefully will meet them soon (!) & Seeing Victor for the first time since 2009

March - MERIDIAN. over and over and over and over again. Oh and continuing the morality class.

April - I think I would have to say rewatching the "Passion"/The Tridiuum. Oh, and .. shoot, just had it, and now I forgot :/

May - Discovering St. Josemaria Escriva. <3

June - Oh the many adventures...... and volunteering at Treasure Trove. OH AND CALIFORNIA :D

July - Mid Atlantic & Woodwind Camp!

August - Just growing in love for Christ, and continuing Woodwind camp!

September - The HUNT!

October - hm. I guess just surviving the semester still through graces?

November - Unexpected, wonderful peace :)

December - just continuing to draw close to our Lord and praying.

Thank God for this year and it's blessings.

Bring on 2012!

Ponderings

2011-12-23T12:44:00.003-05:00

Today's my last blog post (probably) before the Christmas season.

It's the 23rd of a month. On a Friday.
Last time it was on a Friday? September.
Before that? July 2010.
Before that? April 2010.
Before that? October 2009.
Before that? January 2009.

Bam. January 2009.
January 2009, could arguably be one of those months in my life that shaped how I am today.

January 2009 - I get accepted, unexpectedly, to the music school of Mason.
December 2011 - I am still finding out reasons I am at Mason and in the music school.

January 2009 - Beginning of the fall of something.
December 2011 - Have been bounced back from it for a good year and a half, stronger than ever.

January 2009 - Visit.
December 2011 - A lot has changed since then. Like this.

January 2009 - Still in the Netherlands
December 2011 - Home

January 2009 - ER's a freshman, one semester in
December 2011 - ER's a senior, almost one semester to go

January 2009 - Senior year of high school
December 2011 - Third year of college

January 2009 - Determined as ever to do well with music ed, go back overseas & teach.
December 2011 - Even more determined as ever to do well with music ed but not as open to teach overseas.

January 2009 - Praying consisted of making sure someone was safe as well as other things.
December 2011 - Praying even more/being more open to God's plan.

Goes to show God changes everything. Enjoy the present. Remember the past. But do not dwell on the past *....says the girl who is dwelling on an element of the past today*.

Merry Christmas!

Be Not Afraid

2011-12-22T02:00:00.004-05:00

Lately, I feel like I have been afraid.
I'm not afraid to admit it.
I have been.
I don't even know why.

Why am I afraid of God's will?

Seriously.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
Jeremiah 29:11

Seriously.

I prayed about what I was just so worried about Wednesday night. Just like I have been every single other night.

I do flipping around in my Bible, and it always seems to eventually land on Jeremiah 29:11 without me realizing.

I've opened Bibles up before that I have never touched.

It will land on that.

And this font won't change out of italic, hmn.

On the way to -my mom's work- to drop off a key, My mom suggested I started to pray about certain characteristics for my future husband (because in my heart, suddenly, almost in the past month and a half, it's really been in my heart when I pray).

I thought of one characteristic as I was going up the stairs to return the key

"hmm. I'd love for him to be a super strong Catholic" (well, obvious) "but overjoyed at the fact if at least one of our children are called to Religious life"

I open the door at my mom's work (which is a Church).

I see her boss's (my mom's boss is a priest) mom and her co-worker. Did expect to see co-worker, but not my mom's boss's mom.

The mom says,

"What a dreary, dismal day"

Yes, it was raining. Yes, lately, I haven't been as much of a fan of the rain. But still. That made me think of a conversation I had with someone on a day back in November ...

I said why I didn't want to go to the game on Wednesday (I went, we lost, THANKS DAD -- but it was great to see people).

"I'm sure it's the same reason as why you want to go"

Thanks, Mom.

It didn't end up being that reason after all why I wanted to go.

But, really. I need to stop being afraid of this element of God's will.
and know the time will be right when it all will be revealed.
Because it isn't going to do me any good.

Talking to Stephy really helped (thanks!)because a lot of things I felt she told me was stuff God was telling me earlier when I prayed.

And then this came into my head.

And then I remembered this:

When I first had a thought of something being God's will once upon a time, this was my quote on facebook for that day:

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of it's sorrow. It empties today of its strength." - Corrie Ten Boom

Wow.

I must say, I do love praying, always have, but actually doing it and acknowledging the fact I do it .... it makes me so overjoyed like I'm a new person and alive again. Having the Three Minute Retreats as my home page & also just the "Be Satisfied" prayer above my bed & my Bible & the Liturgy of the Hours (although I need to get into Morning & Evening prayer) to do Night Prayer next to my bed .... I LOVE IT.

GOD IS GOOD.

all the time.

ALL THE TIME?

God is good.

Happy birthday Aunt Betty!

2011-12-21T00:00:00.000-05:00

So, I am going to try to make birthday post to people, if I remember.

To start off, with, Happy Birthday Aunt Betty!

(since I know how you feel about photos online, I'll not post a photo of you -- unless you give me permission, to! but I'll have one of Koda)

My aunt Betty is my Mom's sister.

I am always in awe of her faith in God and love for Jesus.

I love how she knows so many Bible verses (and really good ones!) off the top of her head.

She always lived so far away, but I have seen her a couple times throughout my life (and we have kept up through email/blog/etc.).

She has been an inspiration in a numerous ways.

I love reading her blog posts.

She is so strong.

I'm so thankful that she is my aunt.

I'm so happy I saw her this summer.

And I could go on and on and on and on.....

But I wish her now, a wonderful day

although it's not time yet in the Western coast.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNT BETTY :)

Patience

2011-12-20T14:53:00.006-05:00

Patience: it's either a gift He gives us a lot of us or it's a gift He gives us plenty of opportunities of patience.

My goal this semester was to grow in relationship with God.

Success! Mostly.

I just feel overjoyed thinking that

-a) He has the best plan for our lives.
-b) He creates so much joy into our lives.
-c) He never wants to harm us.
-d) He always looks out in our best interest.

.... with that said.....

As I have grown closer and closer to God, He told me something.

And I'm impatient.

So I found this quote:

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act."
~ Psalm 37:7 ~

So I shall be still in the presence of the Lord, waiting for Him to figure out the best moment to have it become fully into being.
So I will not worry anymore, I will not think about it now ...

and shall Be Still And Know He is God.

.... Interesting enough, thinking about it now, stumbling across that verse, gave more peace to the situation.

....as I open to a certain passage into the Bible.

:)

So, Lord, just let me draw close to You, and please don't ever let me go.

Fall 2011

2011-12-17T13:42:00.003-05:00

Wow, what a semester this has been.

I dreaded it for a long of reasons: 18 credits, 11 classes, junior year, all the above.

The first week of classes went well. I thought "okay, fall semester is going to be fine"! I had a weird, reoccurring dream, that made no sense, but it was okay.

Then ..... the Hunt happened!
And oh, the team of Amy, Aimee, Rachel, Jess, Me, Mike, Christina, Cece, Robert, and Jayson .... aka the Roamin Catholics .... we won because of the Holy Spirit, no big deal, right? Love them all! I'm so thankful for awesome friends like all of you, really. I'm so blessed to know all of you.

Then classes went on .... they started to get more and more intense. I began to be more organized (yay 18 credits?).

Then I was sad I couldn't go on the Returning Students Retreat. I couldn't go partially because I had something with my family on Sunday night (Les Mis woo hooo!) ... I wish I went now ..... but in all honesty, I may not have been able to focus.

But I got to go to the Red Mass, which is always a humbling experience. I heard a call that I didn't expect from God as I was going up to Communion (with Bishop Loverde, non the less):

"You're not supposed to go back overseas."

I freaked out, needless to say. I wasn't supposed to go back, what was this? This is ridiculous, after so many months of it seemed like I was supposed to go back .... what????

The weeks went on. I become symphonic band librarian. God blessed me with too many blessings. Way. too. many.

Then, something came up unexpectedly. After almost 13-14 months of frustration, God finally granted me peace on something and it was solid peace/overjoyed peace. It kind of like was "....finally!" but I'm guessing, and I'll be honest, that some of it was me just being obstinate and stubborn. I'm not afraid to admit it. Really, not afraid to admit it.

Then, my goal was to grow closer to God. It felt so liberating, exciting, thrilling, all of the above ....

....Until I was told by God, He wanted me to do something.....

I want you to do THIS and feel THIS.

I was thrown off about it. Especially since it was my reoccurring dream.

I'm not afraid to admit I have been fighting it. But I am willing to accept it now, because after a couple of visits from my guardian angel (it seems), I can't fight it anymore.

The signs are there, free will can still throw it off.

But basically, the moral of this semester is: Let God and Let God, and He will show you wondrous things.

I don't have all my final grades yet, but I can probably say with confidence, my lowest grades are probably going to be two B's (one in Sight Singing II ... I can't complain, I'm going on to III finally! Carly--you and I did it!!!) and Anthropology .... that class through me up a loop! Thanks especially to Amanda for helping me get through it!!!) and the rest are A's or A-'s.

Hopefully.

-I have been blessed with so many awesome friends this semester. Special thanks to all of them (you all know who you are!): whether you're at Mason or whether you go to a different school. If you have any questions who you are, chances are you are one :)

-St. Joseph Cupertino, Holy Spirit, St. Therese, St. Francis de Sales, St. Anthony, Mary, God, Jesus, and the Communion of Saints helped me get through this semester.

-The fact that I was able to go to Daily Mass (regularly) only twice during the week really made me blessed in the fact that although I was only able to go twice (I could sometimes go on Wednesday, but it was inconsistent), it really showed that I shouldn't take being Catholic for granted. It's a blessing God gave to me.
.
-Thanks especially to all my family (immediate, extended, pseudo, etc.) -- you helped me get through this semester.

I could go on and on.

But basically, everyone I know this semester has been a blessing of some sort. As long as you are humbled by it :D

Let Winter Break begin!

In memory: Julia D, five years later

2011-12-13T15:45:00.003-05:00

(for the record, because of my schedule, I wrote this later than the time stamp, but I thought it would be an appropriate time stamp)
My grandmother came two weeks before I was born. I was supposed to be born two weeks earlier, but I guess I didn't want to come out. She is the "Julia" part of my name. If I ever get called Julia, I sometimes flinch not because it's not my full name. But it's because I feel spoiled that half of a name was her.

After I was born, my mom went back to work. I spent many a moments with my grandmother (there's a picture of her & me at my Baptism).

My grandmother was essentially "my mom" growing up. We watched TV together, she read to me, she held me, everything.

She was there when I cried, she was there when I laughed. She and I would take walks around the neighborhood, finding caterpillars, her pushing me on the swings & sliding the slide where she would teach me how to count to ten in Polish & other words. I tied her shoes.

We played jacks on the ground .... card games .... Uno .... everything.

I hated being separated from her. I felt like a piece of me was gone every time she was not in the same area as me. Looking back on it, some of all this may have been selfish.

I would wait up at night when I was little, just waiting until she would be done with the bathroom and then I would say goodnight. One of my memories one time of her heading back, from when I was six, I decided I was going to go back and say the rosary again with my family because I guess I took a break from saying the rosary... I don't know why to this day.

She was my responsibility at Mass. She taught me so many fundamentals I'm only rediscovering now about how much I loved about the Catholic faith. She loved the Eucharist. She loved Christ. She had such faith and trust in Him, She loved God, she loved the Saints, everything.

We had so many memories growing up. I don't want to list them all, as it's too long. But they are all why I miss my childhood. Bingo. Fall Festival. Jobs. Slavic American Festival. So. many.

She had some of the scariest nightmares (between her & my family). A lot of times I would either wake up right before one or right as one was happening. Towards the end of her life, I was the only one who figured out how to get her out of them. Mom didn't. Dad didn't. I did. My secret? Have a conversation with her after the nightmare and got her to laugh. She would sometimes have them two in a row if that didn't happen (although I'm sure it happened two in a row, due to the nature of them).

My hardest time with her is middle school, only because of what was going on with me at the time. I wish I wasn't like that.

The hardest secret I kept from her was the fact we were moving. I'd say goodbye to her every morning before school/talked with her, although I always sat next to her at dinner, and I just couldn't tell her. After she found out, I promised I'd call her once a week in CA.

My first ever anxiety attack was when she went into the hospital the first time in October. I couldn't handle it. As long as she was there, it was easy to sleep. The final time she went in (November 30), I couldn't really sleep. Mrs. Fox told me she was in the hospital with pneumonia after I was freaking all day what was happening to her. I burst into tears when I was in the van, only because I was expecting my mom to pick Paul & I up.

Baba made that last sandwich for me ... I haven't had a PB&J sandwich really since ... I think it was that ... or was it ham/muenster/???.

Last time I saw her really up and talking? December 3 or 4, 2006. She was fine (by a miracle) when Uncle Hank et al visited.

The night before she died, I visited because Mom really suggested I should. I had to eat dinner by myself. I often wondered if I was going to kick myself for it. Looking back on it, I had to because that was the only way I was going to be able to cope with reality. She said to me "I love you" and blew me a kiss one last time. I couldn't say goodbye, I just said "I love you" and "Good night" (in Polish, of course).

The next day, I could barely deal with school. I was so optimistic that she was going to get better. I was in the car with Mrs. Fox and carpool. I was talking to her and saying how the visit went .... and then I stop, felt like time froze for a moment, and then I couldn't talk again but something was missing........ the time? Around 3:45 pm.

I get home. No Kate Subway. Or Zipper. I go to the front door, can't open the door with my keys. It felt like the longest time ever. I went to Maureen's and the Roger's. Maureen said that Baba had gotten worse. I was thinking she was referring to the night before ... but it didn't. I opened the door. Mail was on the ground. I picked up, escaped to the computer. All of a sudden, I heard the door open and saw Elisabeth running up the stairs, very upset, she didn't even let me. Definitely not normal. Dad pulled me into the living room.

"Baba died 3:45 pm this afternoon."

I don't really remember my reaction. Did I burst into tears? Probably. Did I stay stunned?
I wanted Mom home that moment. But no. I had to call Caroline, my flute teacher at the time, because she and I were planning to go to see the Nutcracker that night.

We still did. What a beautiful distraction. I was also introduced to Brahms' German Requiem that night. I think of that every time. Also, Therese was in the version, too, that I saw of the Nutcracker.

When I came home, I saw Mom, and then I knew it was real. Until then, nope.

I missed all my exams because of everything, except I was stubborn and took French (ended up being my highest grade, I think, go figure). Teachers were understanding & gave extensions. Everything was beautiful. I was motivated by the Holy Spirit to say something, and I don't remember what it was, but everyone loved it.

Five years later .......

She was there every waking moment of my life overseas. She's with me now, frustrated I'm not asleep yet (... let's just leave that unsaid) ... she has been there for me at Mason. She's praying for me so much, I feel her every day, whether I acknowledge it or not. I just know she is there.

Looking back on it, she wasn't just Baba. She was my mom's, aunt Betty's, uncle Hank's mom. She was the beloved husband of Henryk, although it was only six years. She was an eleven (or so) girl that survived Scarlet Fever. She was the youngest child out of ten, and a complete surprise.

But most of all:

1. I don't know why, but I feel like a lot of me (that's good) is her. I don't know why, I can't explain it. She rubbed off a lot on me.
2. She's the reason Mom and I get along so well now. We still have our moments, but we get have such a wonderful relationship.
3. She loved all of us, very very much. And she still does. And prays for us.

I wish you all (who have never met her but are reading this) got to meet her ... but I'm bias. She was my best friend. And the greatest blessing that God could have ever given me and my whole family. And I may be bias (since we all think our grandmothers are awesome, even my grandmother on my dad's side is awesome, too) ... but I'm so thankful to God for her. People, if I tell them I'm "Julia D's granddaughter", and they knew her, keep on telling me how spoiled I was for a granddaughter. I am so grateful. Every day. Involuntarily thinking it or voluntarily.

It's so appropriate she died on St. Lucy's feast day. Her eyes were a sparkling color the night before she died and she wasn't afraid and she saw something beautiful.

So this is why these two weeks are so hard. It's never exams. Exams make it worse. It's because of this. This is also, I'll be honest, why I haven't slept well since sophomore year of high school. It's not that I don't want to -- it's just because it's physically difficult knowing she's not physically there with me. I need to find Patron Saints of sleeping and all and pray to them now .... I have motivation now to do so, especially after being so sick (it's not that I'm contagious, it's just high congestion) right now.

I love you, Baba, very much.
Or as I would always say before we would say to each other before we slept:

Dobrahnots
Ja cie kocham
Do widzenia
See you in the morning!

Disabled facebook

2011-12-10T12:24:00.002-05:00

Glad I did it. Seriously. It took too much time and energy from me.

Six exams and one paper in six days -- let's go.

WOW.

2011-12-04T01:23:00.003-05:00

Change of plans since last post:

Carmen took me. and I still made it for half of Sarah's (one of the girls in my flute studio who is awesome at playing flute) recital. Win!

Talking to Carmen ... we shared testimonies. Hers is so beautiful. So so beautiful. Wow. Just wow. Then I shared mine (spontaneous, she asked).

I realized what an internal struggle I have by giving my testimony to Carmen. It never crossed my mind until yesterday.

What's holding me back in my faith is the fact that for so long, so much what I've loved about being Catholic so many people didn't know and that felt weird. Now, so many people know and it's really awesome! And because I was frustrated about how there were Catholics in my life who didn't know it for so long, it's hard getting back into some of the things I love (other things I have always loved and always will).

I don't know what happened after I said that, but I began to have a whole new change of heart after that happened.

Ever since then, I just feel like I just want to go to the Chapel and just pray and know His will for me. Pursue holiness. Just be open to whatever happens. Know that God loves me. Know and trust He DOES have the best plan, even if I didn't see it.

Haha, in honor of this, the song Mike was singing at the Chapel on Friday....can't resist. I really can't. It was so appropriate.

With that said, after all this, I was like "Okay, God, just give it all to You" today while I was at the Chapel.

Annnnnnnnnnnnddddd what I need patience for popped up again. Oh my.

So I really feel like now it's more something God put it in my heart, but I need to let it go and just let God and have indifference, as St. Josemaria Escriva said ( Carmen, do you have a link about that? I only could find evidence in an Ignatius silent retreat packet .... ) about His will. But it's not time yet. But seriously, I'm letting go and letting God.

Tonight was also "Lord of the Rings" night. Shout out to the Knights of Columbus of CCM for doing a superb job!

Until later.

Be Satisfied With Me

2011-12-03T07:50:00.000-05:00

Six Word Saturdays is back!

Today's six words (and it's not even 8 am!!!) : "Trust in the Lord, be calm"
____________________________________________________________________
"Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you. Just wait, that's all. Don't be anxious, don't worry."

These are some words of the "Be Satisfied" prayer by St. Anthony of Padua.

I love St. Anthony of Padua. I just really do. I pray to him so much (because I lose things a lot, haha) but it's more than that. He just really has always stuck out to me as a cool guy, because I guess the end of the school year at CCE, we always celebrated him. I just forgot how awesome he really is until I'm seriously going to pray the "Be Satisfied" prayer more.

There's just something really awesome about him that I dunno. I forgot how awesome he was until I was reminded today...

Also, if there's anything I need right now, it is patience and understanding. I have peace on a lot of what I think God wants me to do (especially something that came out of no where) and should not be anxious about it ....

Honestly, I owe it to X & B & A & G & D today. They really helped a lot. And V indirectly helped .... wow .....

Now just patience!
“He has made everything appropriate to its time, and has put the timeless into their hearts, without men’s ever discovering, from beginning to end, the work which God has done.” - Ecclesiastes 3:11"

Well .... that was my post as of last night ....

I'm so grateful to God right now. My parents are the best parents ever. They drove me at 5:30 am to ER because I really couldn't sleep because of my cough .... turns out I have an upper respiratory infection. Oh no! Oh dear! But it's okay ... God gives us what we can handle with his grace, right ?? So in about a half an hour or so, I'm going on an adventure ... to CVS ... by cue bus to put in my medicine and hopefully get it. I'm actually really excited for this adventure! haha.

And I need to listen better to what God wants me to do. Always.

Also, shout out to my sisters in Christ Carmen and Therese (who doesn't have a blog) for becoming FOCUS missionaries! Aww yeah good stuff!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T23:02:00.002-05:00

What am I thankful for?

-Family
-Friends (from every walk at life)
-my relationship with God, Jesus, and the Saints (although I know it can be stronger)
-my faith
-CCM
-Mason
-the gift that God gave me of music
-Judy
-all my other teachers (I could go on and on and on and on)
-all those who never gave up on me
-moving overseas
-spending two years at BI
-graduating from CCE
-being alive
-everything God has given me

Sigh

2011-11-16T00:15:00.002-05:00

I feel like I have a mountain of things to do and look what I'm doing. Blogging. Go. figure.

Anyways. Tonight, I had the joy of performing in Symphonic Band in our combined concert with Percussion Ensemble.

The percussion ensemble had an hour and a half program (or so) and it was very interesting the different kinds of pieces performed and colours and timbres etc.

On our program, we played Gavorkna Fanfare, Trauersinfonie, Concertino, Florentiner March, and Hebrides Suite .

(Note: these are not our ensemble, these are just recordings I found on youtube to give you an idea on some of the sounds of it)

I loved all the pieces we played. The hardest part of it is always playing it so late. Ever since after my first semester, my body equates late practicing as "oh this is going to be like freshman semester, really now, not again", so it tenses up as the night goes on ....

Monday night, I forgot what exactly AH or Dr. W said (or maybe it was a combo of both), but something they said made me think

"why did I do music?"

It's been pondering me for awhile .... because I know why I want to do it now, but what was it that got me originally ......

And now I have it.

It was the one outlet I had growing up that I felt could just escape from reality. Everything else was crumbling down around me when I started flute but that was the one escape I had.

It may have been hard then, but I persevered.

That's why, I never tend to give up. Yes, my back might be messed up, yes my arms may be weak, yes I can't dedicate myself as much as I would like to practicing (ideally, I would love to be able to practice 4 hours a day still, but there's no way I can) .... but I love it. And I really truly believe God made me to do something with it for His glory and honor, whatever that will unfold to be, someday.

And I have goals for Christmas (not Thanksgiving) break ... because honestly, Thanksgiving break is not really a break for me:

-Write at least one composition (music) per day
-Pray every day
-Flute (most days - - do take a small break, only so my back can relax)
-Sight singing 45 - 60 mins every day
-Ear Training 45 - 60 mins every day
-Woodwind Binder
-Wake up so I would "be ready" for class at 8:30 am
-Do watch movies

So yeah ... we'll see what happens!

Patience

2011-11-06T23:43:00.001-05:00

Patience.

I admit, I'm not the most patient person in the world. I have patience when it comes to teaching.

Awhile ago, I asked God to grant me more patience. Oh did He listen ....

That's all on my mind tonight. Good night.

Hallelujah! Grace like rain ....

2011-11-06T10:24:00.005-05:00

Okay, I don't know what's going on ... really .... I feel like the past week, the Holy Spirit and I have been BFFs and the Holy Spirit been inspiring me with so much and it's really overwhelming ... but it's SO COOOL.Img source: http://edhird.wordpress.com/tag/holy-spirit/

I thought this picture was the most appropriate.

Has anyone ever thought something of God's will is just black and white in your face and the obvious is starring right at you (I.e. in this case the rainbow)?

Click here to getImages &
Black And White Rainbow Pictures - Pictures

Basically, in essence, does anyone ever feel that something relating to God's will is starring RIGHT at you, but you both don't understand what's going on?

Src: glaucoma-eye-drops.com

My friend, B, IMed me late last night (Well, late-ish) and I was getting distracted from my composition (like, I had to print that thing out five-six times, I made so many mistakes!). I should have known better and just focused on the conversation instead of being distracted by the composition!

But it was a fruitful intense conversations.

.......and fruitful conversations where the Holy Spirit seems to be inspiring each others' words,
you just know He is working through both of you, for some reason, not knowing why you feel that way at the exact time.

And then, slowly, somehow I felt grace was in that conversation. I can't explain it. I really can't explain it.

Waking up this morning, feeling better, more grace .... and then more grace caused by feelings you can't explain. Of comfort. Of joy. Of you have to be still and know He is God and He is faithful and desire to be even still and not be restless until you rest to be resting in God.

But in His time and not our time, we will know but until then He has all of our hearts.

That's why Brothers in Christ are awesome .... because they challenge their Sisters in Christ (and vice versa) just as much as us Sisters in Christ challenge each other and the Brothers challenge each other and they all can pray for each other.

So, with that said, this week, let Grace like Rain, fall on me.

How appropriate considering it's going to rain on Thursday?

Six word Saturday introduction

2011-11-05T23:50:00.003-04:00

I know, two blog posts. Less than 24 hours. And I have a mountain of homework.

Inspired by my awesome aunt, I'm going to participate in "Six Word Saturdays". I never knew about it until today, and it sounds kinda neat.

So my Saturday in six words are:

"Let I, the Lord, plan today".

This morning, I woke up around 8:45 or so (not intentionally--wanted to wake up 15 minutes later) and I thought about something that happened Friday night. It really made me think about CCM stuff and then I thought about one of my friends, T.

Bam. 8:55 or so. I hear my phone ringtone. Guess who it is? T!

She was like "Hey! Do you want to hang out during my 15 minute break?"

Thinking about stuff going through my head, I thought, "why not?"

The time changed from 11:30 to 13:00 to 13:30.

I go say hi to T at 12:05 as a result. Then we ended up indirectly talking for almost three-four hours about a whole bunch of things (I was all planned to practice from 12:30 - 13:30, since lunch with K got postponed). I was also supposed to meet F for coffee today (nope, didn't happen either, no idea why that, though :/)

Afterwards, around 15:15 or so, a mutual friend of both of ours (B) waved as he was walking upstairs to do homework in the JC and he invited us to do homework with him, his sister, JA, and D. We visited a bit around 15:40, and then I went to go practice for about an hour or so.

The conversation with T was very fruitful on a lot of levels. The Holy Spirit was very obvious in it, too... but prayers are going to be needed for the next steps....so storm cloud heaven commence for openness and understanding and prudence.

I came back to my room, got my vocal evaluation sheet, and then off to S's recital (which was a-mazing) with my friend E because E's mom was going to drive us there.

We got to the recital, stayed for the reception, and I remembered V's recital was at 20:00 (V, I feel horrible I missed your recital, btw but I would have been late and I was out of sorts, I really had every intention to go :/). ... but E, her mom, and I went to Josie's (I just needed to be off campus for a bit longer, too, just to have separation from it).

Then, I arrived back at campus, and met with A (and turns out L & H were there too) at Starbucks. I got a gingerbread latte too (decaf, mmmm, and NO whipped cream and skim milk .... mmmm ..... just mmmm...).
Got my linguistics homework done (yaaaaa!) but I feel like that was all :/ But I feel like I got more done, too. I dunno.

And then T texted me this after I said something about "God has a plan of sheer goodness."
She texted me back, "Sheer goodness nothing but love and the answer to your desires of your heart :)"

Then, I went back to my room (although A and I talked for a bit). Now, I'm about to finish my composition (well, finished prime form of it, I just have to change it around, add a bass clef part to it) and then do Music History notes.

Overall, that is why never make plans: God always has something different in store.

Love my life (mostly).
Love my faith (always).

God's Will

2011-11-05T00:00:00.002-04:00

God's Will: A Subject We All Love

In order to discern God's will, we need to know He paints the canvas of our lives:

There are many colours, variations.

He paints the canvas of our lives.

He brings us people into our lives we don't expect.
He brings us people we do expect.

He teaches us to love all of them, because we are all Children of God.

Sometimes when something doesn't go our way, we get frustrated.

Everyone does.

Well, when something goes God's way, His masterpiece of our lives continue, filling in all the lines and colouring and shading the background.

All the marks someone makes that need to be erased are things in our own lives that we want to do. By erasing, we let go and let God take the paint brush and color it in completely.

Yes, there are things lately where I feel God took the pencil and was like, "JA, you need to erase it". At first, I was hesitant. But now, I'm ready to embark on this new journey of colours and pray/listen better what to do.

And do you know what?
The one thing that I had to grow patience on, well, it turned out to be a great test of patience, I kid you not.
But, honestly, the only reason behind it was that God was teaching me patience in preparation for something else.

Just smile, and be happy today. Because how often do you get a chance to just know that He will paint the way, just pray.

It's October!

2011-10-05T00:45:00.003-04:00

Hello friends!

It's almost Fall break.

I have so much on my mind, it's driving me up a wall.

I realized today something very important.... and it's I'm having a test of patience. I do have a lot of patience, but I'm now being tested with patience that is something 'new' that I need patience in. I don't have patience. at all.

God, give me the grace to deal with this new test of patience.

Amen.

Also, I love how people presume if someone solely wants to teach that means the person has a vocation. Sigh. That's not true...

Contemplating....

2011-09-27T23:25:00.002-04:00

Recently, it passed the five year anniversary of me finding out I was moving to the Netherlands.

I still ask God why He sent my family there.

As I slowly have peace on things, a lot of things become confusing. And then that means ... opportunity for patience !

Just thoughts ....

2011-09-05T22:13:00.002-04:00

The other day, a friend of mine in the music school and I were talking.

He made the comment:

"you seem to have a little bit of a past you dont tell people".

This really started to make me think:

It's like, am I really that open or do I just say things about me en light of the situation?

Do I tell people my secrets? I keep other people's secrets.

Did I erase what happened? What is really my past?

The truth is, I do. Doesn't everyone?

Doesn't everyone also have a present? Where they forgive their past?

I have.

Doesn't everyone also have a future? So many questions, so many possibilities.

That's where life becomes interesting: because of God alone, He created us, loves us more than we ever will be loved by anyone else, and it is so beautiful.

So what about my past? So what about my present? What my future?

Time will tell.

Guess who still hasn't blogged!

2011-09-04T01:49:00.000-04:00

Yeah. Me.

I don't know why. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just ... I dunno.

I'll come back soon.

"God, let Your will be done onto me."

Hello again!

2011-08-14T13:56:00.001-04:00

Well, hello! It’s been awhile.

Summer just has flown by. I still owe you all a blogpost about California, but this will just be a brief summary of what I have been up to since I last blogged:

1. I worked at a music camp down in Southern Virginia at Sweet Briar for two weeks. I learned so much from doing it and the people who I worked with are pretty awesome. They really are dedicated to the field of music, and it’s so inspiring. (I mean, Woodwind Camp is, too, don’t get me wrong – but I always love finding groups of people who love music, you know?) I hope to be at VMEA to see them all, but rumor has it the Church dedication at Epiphany may be that weekend, which if it is the case, I would not be able to go. And I know more about marching band now because of that camp, which makes me thrilled. Also, the majority of the music majors were from Tech. I would have never thought of looking at Tech for music, but hey, they do have a program!

2. Right after that, I jumped right into Woodwind Camp. As always, it was a lot of fun…. But it was so different this year without Judy. I helped Michelle (R) with the beginning flutes and learned a lot of things teaching-wise. I also taught drama and we had to pull together our play in less than four days. So if you think “Alice in Oz” is lame, think about this: we only worked on it 3 hours or so as a cast with the script and all and I did some additional character work with a couple of them and that was about another 2 hours. They did a pretty darn good job. So if you say “what?” or “that was lame” etc. I want you to look at what I just said again. That’s less than an ISTA festival. That’s less than any production I’ve ever done ever. So really, just you have no room to say anything. And make sure you turn up the volume—it’s soft. If there was also another play was written of that title already, my apologizes, but I was unaware of that at time.

3. This past week, I’ve been just relaxing and I took pictures for Epiphany. That was a lot of fun. And I’ve gotten back into Animal Crossing: City Folk. Mom hates how I’m a better fisher than her. I feel so bad… I also got to hang out with Charity TWICE in less than a week. Does that happen often anymore? Sadly, no : ( But I’m so blessed that her family is in Northern Virginia.

4. I can’t believe school is two weeks from Monday. I’m not ready. 18 credits is either going to make me the most organized ever or the most procrastinated person ever. Thank God there’s a Saint to help to not procrastinate….

Blog entries I owe you all:

1. California

2. Holland: Four Years Later

Everything will come soon!

Happy fourth!

2011-07-04T15:09:00.002-04:00

Happy fourth -- I'm feeling better now to a degree :)

Anyways, I just had a thought.

There HAS to be a connection between reading books and reading music. Nobody seems to think so, so I'm going to have to do some investigation.

Why?

I'm working on several pieces this summer: Telemann's Suite in A Minor & Mozart's Concerto in G, to name a few. I was working on "Les Plasiers" (second movement of A) and then I realized my fingers were moving fast.... but my eyes were not moving as fast to keep up with my fingers.... this really makes me wonder.....

Update

2011-07-01T16:22:00.002-04:00

I'll blog about CA soon, but for now, this is why I can't do a long blog post.

Home!

2011-06-23T22:30:00.000-04:00

We're home from California :)

Pictures/stories coming soon :)

Our Lady of Loreto

2011-06-14T19:45:00.001-04:00

Pray for us.

see you all on the 24th!

sigh

2011-06-13T20:33:00.002-04:00

Sigh.

I really don't like when people talk behind my back. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. Don't go all posting about it on facebook. If you do want to talk behind my back, just send a message to the person on facebook.

I see how it is. I try to be helpful, but instead, you think what I post might be "silly" and you poke fun at it. Well guess what, grow up and have a life. Seriously.

Oh and what makes matters worse is I read it the same day I have a nightmare with someone else in that same school making fun of me.

*sigh*

In other words, happy feast day of St. Anthony! Hope he helped you find your lost items today :)

Despicable Me

2011-06-11T23:19:00.004-04:00

One of my favourite movies ever is Despicable Me.

But what is the top reason it is one of my favourites?

Is it the irresistable minions?

(Despicable-Me-Minions.jpg)

No.

Is it because Vector, one of the bad guys, has a mathematical reference and talks about the magnitude of things?

(image source: Vector-from-Despicable-Me.jpg)

No.

Is it because of Agnes' famous quote, "it's so FLUFFY?"

Image source: c9c17f10047f38ee_34440_436364090571_708535571_5994637_1837725_n.jpg

No.

Is it because of Gru's bedtime story time?

Image source: despicable-me-gru-reading-bedtime-story-agnes-blessings-abound-mommy.jpg

Yes. I love the story of "The Three Little Kittens" and "The Lonely Unicorn" because the first one shows his wanting to change his heart and the second one is after the fact.

Great movie.

Congrats Rose!

2011-06-11T10:54:00.002-04:00

Congratulation Rose!

You have graduated eighth grade.

I've known you your entire life.

I remember the day you were born.

I remember from even before you were born.

You are like my cousin.

And sister.

I wish we were related for real instead of being "pseudo families".

We have had our moments of arguing and tenseness.

But I still love you,

enjoy all of our times together,

and will be friends/sisters/cousins,

for life.

So good luck in high school,

and stay strong.

Wow. I haven't posted in awhile.

2011-06-03T20:55:00.004-04:00

Wow.

I really haven't blogged in awhile. *tsk* *tsk*

What have I been up to?

End of sophomore year: Sophomore year is DONE. Grades for my fourth semester were .... let's just say if everything was weighted the same amount, everything would have been fine. But, since they weren't .... my GPA plummeted .03. It's not the end end of the world but at the same time, it was very frustrating. Thanks, dance. Really. But it was a nice end, hanging out with Yasmin and Christine are always fun times :)

Flat BJ Excursion: My cousin Robin's eldest son, Jake, sent my family a Flat BJ. If you know the story of the Flat Stanley Project, then it's self-explanatory, if not, click there. My mom and I went around D.C. because of it. It was such a beautiful day (a picture from it is above).

Rose's May Crowning & Confirmation: Both were beautiful events! Ah, I just remember those days like yesterday.

TNG: Was awesome.. I'm so glad I was able to go last night.

I have some big news, but I can't announce it yet. So y'all have to wait.

And today's the first day of the Pentecost Novena ... don't forget!!! :)

Mother's Day

2011-05-14T00:00:00.002-04:00

Caption: our last time on the train in Holland

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY

This was supposed to be published Sunday ... but it wasn't.

My mom is an incredible woman.

She was born in Sharon, Pennsylvania, which is this small little city, about an hour from Pittsburgh. She lost her dad a month before she turned five, so my grandmother had to raise her and her two siblings (one brother, one sister), completely on her own, with the grace of God.

The summer before she was eleven, my grandmother moved them out to California. I remember her telling me all sorts of stories about this time.

She went to an All-Girls Catholic High School, where she did exceedingly well (only maybe one A-, I think, and that was in Health), all because of hard work and tenacity.

She then went to USD, to receive a degree and math and accounting, minoring in Religious studies in four years. I was always inspired when she said she took four semesters of 8 A.M. Calculus and she commuted.

Realizing God was calling her to do great things in what she loved although it wasn't her original choice of what she wanted to do, she applied to several schools and received a teaching assistantship at Catholic for a graduate degree in Religious studies. She thought she wanted to teach Religion at the university level. She drove across country, all on her own, to Washington D.C.

After she started the teaching assistantship, she realized she didn't like teaching that much but pushed through it. She then received a fair scholarship to go on towards her doctorate, so she started it.

Then life changed. She joined a group for single Catholics who were eligible to marry in the Church. She met my dad, they became friends. One day, they both accidently ended up at the wrong house, so they just started talking and everything. They then developed some feelings and then started dating. Their first date was to see "The Princess Bride".

On May 27, 1989, they got married. Their wedding day was an adventure: it was a thunderstorming day and the power went out. The power came back at Communion.

I was the first born, and I was the reason she became a mother. She went back to work immediately after I was born, leaving me with her mom (Baba) during the day.

Baba was my mother, to a degree, growing up. With that said, regardless, I still looked to my mom sometimes.

She's the one who inspired me in the Catholic faith, to a degree. She helped me with my love of the rosary ("Mommy! this is such a huge necklace!" "No, Dear, it's a Rosary" "Oh"), my faith (Daily Mass & Adoration when I was little), doing service to God, math, music (Mom, I forgive you for writing those notes on my keyboard piano when I was 8 ... I know I told you long ago, but still), and so so much more. She also spoiled me rotten by being able to know so many holy people growing up and serve them.

With that said, my mom and I have had our rough times. We are not exactly bestest bestest friends, but we're not exactly mortal enemies. I'd say she's one of my best friends, but that's only happened within the past four and a half years, maybe only really since I've gone to college so two.

I'm so thankful for her and I can't imagine the world without her :)

Love you, Mom!

Sigh...

2011-05-04T11:12:00.002-04:00

Yes, I have a negative post after ten million positive ones.

I overslept and missed TWO of my exams today. One doesn't really count, since I withdrew it ... but the other was 10% of my grade.

I'm so upset at myself because I let my group down.

I have a performance today for master class. I'm not looking forward to that, partially because I'm just not in the mood to play.

The song that helps me get through

This has been a horrible, but blessings-filled school year, if it makes sense. I've had some of my best memories ever and some of my worst memories ever. Every time something wonderful happens, something negative happens, and it's like "Satan, you're still losing, I love God and hate and reject Satan. So there."

I'm praying to that nothing happens to our flight especially to Our Lady of Loreto ... I'm not as worried about it as I used to be but I'll still make sure, because contrary to popular belief, I'm not a huge flying fan ... I don't like when anyone I know around me is flying. It just freaks me out.

In other news, I had an ASH-related dream where I got to see people again ... it was weird ... it was more of a mini bus reunion. But still. I don't understand why they were all showing up in my neighborhood.

77-100 Thanksgivings

2011-04-23T13:44:00.003-04:00

Well, today's Holy Saturday. Wow, can you believe it? This Lent is almost over? Well, I learned a lot this Lent ... and one thing is not to take on too too much because then it seems like you are doing selfishly because you think you can do it, but overall, you need to rely on God's grace.

So.

77. I'm thankful for the fact I go to an university that has a Catholic Campus Ministry, so I can go to Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and then tonight the Easter Vigil!

78. I'm thankful that I have been going to Holy Thursday since I was 7/8 (with, as I said, exceptions) and always feel the same emotion of sadness (this year, it was a new level, though) during the Pange Lingua.

79. I'm thankful for Rachelle and Becca planning us going around to the different Churches after. We went to St. Leo's, St. Mary's of Sorrows, St. Ambrose, St. Philip's (yay!), St. Michael's, and Holy Spirit...starting off at St. Robert Bellarmine of course.

80. I'm thankful for the opportunity we had to actually see Jesus be taken away. That struck me so much -- how powerful it is.

81. I'm thankful that it was rainy yesterday. Seriously. If it only thunderstormed at 3 pm, it would have been perfect.

82. I'm thankful for St. Faustina and the Divine Mercy Novena ... today's Day 2... I've been good so far on praying it! If you haven't started, get on it! I really do need to say the Divine Mercy Chaplet more...

83. Getting through a day's of class on Good Friday. It may not sound that bad, but honestly, I would have rather been at the Chapel praying or doing Stations of the Cross on Friday than have class.

84. Good Friday liturgy last night ... just able to find a seat. And the fact we have it.

85. Jesus Christ going through everything to save us.

86. Watching "The Passion" in Andrew's room with Kevin, Joey, Andrew, Perry, Laura, Matt, Gina, Alex Y., and I think that's all ... it was powerful to see it again and this time it made me a little more sad.

88. Feeling pain after the Passion. It was the best pain I have ever felt and I was happy to receive it, unlike other times in real life. I'm so thankful that I was given that pain to try to understand somewhat what Jesus felt.

89.Conversations and food at Ike's.

90. Opportunities at Mason Music to go to master classes, even if it's not my instrument. I attended one of Arabella Steinbacher and it was really quite fascinating.

91. Google searching something negative in this area and I found out about the teacher, Jaime Escalante, and the movie Stand and Deliver.

92. This makes me happy.

93. Jesus able to make it carrying the cross ... that definitely is an inspiration to live by. Especially since we are human and He was human, too (but also God).

94. Mary's "fiat". Enough said.

95. My sister and the BI Wind Ensemble being super safe as they are traveling to Canada.

96. My parents & grandmother for being such models of the Catholic faith as I grew up. Granted, they're not the only ones, but I mean, household-wise.

97. My Roman Catholic faith.

98. God's grace for helping me get through some of my Lenten promises ... next year better be better!

99. Friends that are honest and trustworthy. I've only had a couple experience of finding untrustworthy friends, but I know I experienced probably no where to the pain that Jesus had when He found out Judas betrayed him, but it is a reminder (and I just realized this today).

100. John 3:16. Period.

Happy Holy Saturday! Easter Vigil tonight!!! :D It's so exciting that Nick and Imani to receive everything & Emily, August, Julianne, and Tara to receive 1st Communion & Confirmation ... I can't believe it! And to think it was over a year ago that Yasmin received everything ... wow ... I love seeing new members come into The Church :D

Matthew 26:24-25

2011-04-21T15:30:00.003-04:00

First my blessings and then I'll post other stuff.

70. It was a lovely visit with Paul F. on Tuesday.

71. I had a nice time going down to Georgetown with Carmen to hear about the Cuba trip. It makes me want to do international service overseas at some point ... International ASB next year maybe?

72. It has been beautiful weather the past couple days! Yes warm weather makes me sleepy, but otherwise, yeah.

73. It was fun catching up with Katie and her visiting.

74. It did not hurt as much as usual to play the cello some parts today. That' s an accomplishment.

75. To be able to go to Holy Thursday Mass...

76. It's the Tridiuum. So beautiful.

(Ahh, Sarah, I'm almost there! I just need 24 in the next 48 or so hours ... I'm sure I'll come up with them!)

Okay, now a reflection relating to the title of the blog post today:

""My Father, ²⁵ if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will."

Today is Holy Thursday. I remember when I first went to Holy Thursday Mass. I was seven or eight years old (I think eight) and I remember how big of a deal, per say, it was because honestly, not everyone in my class went (which made me shocked). It was just so different from any Mass I had ever been to ever. I loved singing the Latin ... I don't know it was so amazing.

As I grew up, Holy Thursday became a tradition my family would take me to every year. There has been only two times since I was eight I have missed Holy Thursday: one time when I was fifteen and I was on my way to Southern France and I think I may have missed it one year when I was in the Netherlands (or maybe both years). I don't remember.

It just makes me think: God has a will for all of us. He truly does. I can't imagine not going to a Holy Thursday Mass now. I just can't. If I was sick, I would somehow do it.

I just did research: last year I did something they call in Malta "is-seba' visti." And oh hey, blessing #77, knowing about Malta and actually being there and having a connection to it. Anyways, the tradition is to go to 7 Chapels that have the Altar of Repose. I want to do that this year, too.

So ... this just makes me think: we're all in God's will for all of us. I can't imagine growing up without going to Holy Thursday (and being Catholic). Some people grow up and they don't experience it.

If I'm called to marriage, my children are going to be going to Holy Thursday & hope we can go around to the different Churches. Of course, I'd explain it to all of them first. That'd be cool.

:D

2011-04-18T01:00:00.002-04:00

aaaaaah :D

I'm so so blessed.

So weird how a funk can go away...

#58: Katie's spending the night on Wednesday! YES!! That means Thursday will run smoother.

#59: I get to see Paul F. on Tuesday most likely! He's one of my good friends from Ireton that I haven't seen since. .. oh ... wow ... erm ... wow ... let's see. ... two and a half years ago? I mean, it's been longer since I've seen some people from ASH, but when you see a person for two years constantly and be in the same carpool ... which brings up a funny story about him ... Mrs. E (my advisor from BI) tells me about the other advisory members in band when I first get to BI and how there's a "French horn player by the name of Paul F." I thought nothing of it ... I met Rachel S. during one of the sessions, found out she went to St. Ambrose ... then that's how the carpool began! Met him on the way to school ... walk into advisory .... go "YOU!" We both laugh.

#60: Talking to Megan was really nice tonight, despite the fact we began talking about how Mr. Jasper, one of the teachers at BI recently died ... but then we got to talk about art and fun stuff....

#61: Going to the game was fun with Rachel ( I wasn't planning on going and then she texted me wondering if I was going) & then we all went to the RAT after. I'd never been there, good times. And we won!

#62: Agnes' recital went well and I enjoyed it! yay!

#63-64: Mass was beautiful and for the first time ever, the Passion discourse seemed to not be that long! Maybe it's because I've seen the Passion of the Christ now? I don't know ... and it's still so beautiful ... although I was REALLY bothered by my allergies during Mass... but Johnny M (64. and I had a really good exchange after Mass about something relating to Christ and how He suffered and remembering that and etc... So I guess that is true about allergies occurring during Holy Week is the best time for it to happen! ... as long as I don't complain about it !

#65: Kaitlin and I finally got to plan something! We've been trying since during Meridan.

#66: I think I'll leave this to between the person and I but good conversation between myself and one of my friends who I'm getting to know better ... wish that I would know she's okay, though, as I haven't heard anything and that worries me ...

#67: Walking back & talking with Cece about something ... we'll see what comes out of it :) It's all because of dinner with Gina last night something that came out of it ....

and speaking of which #68: Dinner with Gina last night was awesome! Why did I forget that on my list of Thanksgivings!?!?

and #69: I know God and Jesus loves me, no matter what awkwardness about life right now, but really ...... really ... and I can take it all to Him :D

Why should I be complaining about life? God is GREAT all the time, admist my complaining!! I guess complaining is just a quality that makes us human and we all need to strive to stop doing on our journeys to holiness ...but it's SO HARD!!

andddd I better finish my twelve-tonal piece in case Patriot Computers confiscates my laptop today when I go talk to them about it today ...

seee y'all soon!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

2011-04-17T16:43:00.004-04:00

I just found a cool grad school.

It's not high up rank wise, but I like the components.

http://www.kingston.ac.uk/postgraduate-course/music-education-ma/

I really like the components of the program. A lot. I mean, it's more education methodologies, which is what I love learning. And it's in London!

Cost? $17938.80 for ONE year. ONE YEAR. That's crazy inexpensive compared to a lot of my grad schools. That's just for tuition though ...

Housing, though, is like about $15,000 for a flat ...

And then books will probably be about another $3,000 ...

And then food .... heh ... that'll be expensive ...

And then airplane .... oh right ... I have to go an airplane to get there..

So overall, I could get that masters, though, in one year what would cost me one year in the U.S. tuition alone ...

I'm still praying/discerning/etc. on what would be the best thing to do ... but it's more just long-term prayers ...

So ...

Blessing #50: Possible new grad school. YAY!

#51: Beautiful day!

#52: There's Mass later tonight .. .yay!

#53. Andrea & Sarah's recital was amazing!

#54: Agnes' recital is tonight! Woohoo!

#55: Dance company reminded me why I love foreign languages :)

#56: CCM Soccer Game later ... may the best team win :)

#57: It's HOLY WEEK!!! :D

I think some of the post super early this morning was I was kinda just annoyed about things ... I really need to remember to turn them over to God more. After all, He is in charge.

Sigh ........

2011-04-17T02:14:00.003-04:00

I don't like to rant . I really don't want to use to this blog as a rant, because it's supposed to be full of God's blessings and because God is awesome, I really need to live like that.

But really. Something really just bugged me. I really don't get it why it has to be all defensive like that.

I'm just sick and tired of stupidity and immaturity. I really am.

I go to college with a whole lot of hopes and dreams. I just really wanted to start over again, to a point. I hated how negative I was overseas and I really wanted to change it and turn into a positive person.

Freshman year was an awkward year in my life. It really was.

Sophomore year ... it's just turning into another awkward year.

I don't get it. I just don't get it. I'm just tired of a whole bunch of things.

I miss being overseas right now more than anything. I miss my friends from there.

I love all of you at Mason that I know/reconnecting with ... but I don't know ... It's really hard to explain.

What makes me smile right now is God is in control and His plan for me. And knowing, I quote,"[I] got a good head on [my] shoulders"

I really do wonder at times, though, what I prayed for so much, although I didn't always mean it, is going to come true ....

Fantastic Friday :)

2011-04-15T17:25:00.003-04:00

Well, today just has been a beautiful day.

45. Today's weather is just glorious. Today, at noon, marked the halfway point of the month of April and you can go outside today in short sleeves.

46. Because the weather is so nice, allergies commence ! But with God's help (whether they acknowledge it or not ...), Zyrtec is amazing and helps to a degree!

47. We were dismissed from symphonic band 45 minutes early, sweet!

48. My sister got into governor's school for art! I'm so proud of her.

49. I spent almost two hours in front of the Blessed Sacrament today. It felt like nothing, really. I wish I could have been there longer, I kid you not.

Internationalized?

2011-04-12T01:54:00.002-04:00

Okay, so for out of curiosity, I checked my blog stats for this past month:

United States

129

United Kingdom

Australia

Indonesia

Netherlands

Sweden

Windows

87 (62%)

Macintosh

48 (34%)

Other Unix

2 (1%)

BlackBerry

1 (<1%)

iPod

1 (<1%)

Firefox

55 (39%)

Safari

41 (29%)

Internet Explorer

22 (15%)

Chrome

20 (14%)

Oh users not in America ... wonder who you are :)

And apparently overall, I've had someone from Iran, Germany, Italy, and Indonesia look.

Bet I know you all :P

Fall 2011 classes ... oh joy!

2011-04-11T23:11:00.002-04:00

So, tomorrow, I'm going to be registering for classes. Weird thought. It's going to be my fifth semester of college ... where is time going?

I thought I was set "yes, two linguistics classes, all good to go!" But I really don't want two exams on the 19th ... especially back to back ...

So now, although I just got off the phone with my mom, I am confused as ever.

Sigh. Holy Spirit, inspire me.

My status

2011-04-10T13:01:00.004-04:00

Oh before I begin, blessing number 42: I got to skype with Christine last night! Twas awesome. I'm so blessed by that and her friendship.

43. Sleep ... I was able to sleep okay. Yes, I woke up several hours more than I wanted to, but it's okay. I'll make the most I can of it today.

Now, reflecting on my status:

They do say "be careful what you wish for, it may come true." Well, I'm going to change it to say, "be careful what you pray for, even if you aren't really serious about it at the time and it's a 'God, this would be cool ...', it may come true."

I have been thinking that a lot lately. When I was younger, I wished for friends all around the world. I wanted to just be out of the boring United States and onto an adventure. I had imagined I had imaginary friends from all sorts of places, and my adopted daughter was from Spain. Kid you not. Who knows exactly why I did all this. Probably because my dad got to grow up all around the world, and I just wanted an adventure besides being in Virginia.

When I was younger, too, my dad promised me to take me to the Netherlands. I always also dreamed/sometimes prayed I could go to ASH.

Well ....

As God, providing His ever sense of humor, was like "yep, I'm fulfilling Your desire ... in a way you don't expect."

So I lived my junior and senior year, in the Netherlands, got to go to ASH, and have friends from all around the world. Of course, I was being ungrateful then because of not seeing God's big picture and probably was upset.

I got to experience a lot of things I would not have experienced. Now, being a college sophomore, I slowly begin to see God's picture. And I have moved on from regret, but I would give anything to live that experience more fully again.

I know I repeatedly talk about this, but I realized:

The truth is ... there's just more underline reasons why I was there. I don't know what all of them are now, but I do believe something I prayed about overseas is going to happen. I can't explain it.

Only God will reveal in His time how.

So blessing #44: My realization on how Europe changed my life.

Hello again!

2011-04-09T21:06:00.003-04:00

The blog post is called "hello again!" because I realized it's been a whole almost FIVE days since I've updated! That's crazy for me!

I have a lot of blessings!

30. I emailed my flute teacher from Holland, Tami. She actually responded, and it was a great email. I'm so glad. I do miss her, to a point, but I really wish I could take a lesson or two with her again ... Dr. King was right. You do learn something from a teacher you don't learn from anyone else.

31. I babysat my favorite kid ever today!! Erik is the best. Seriously. Super smart and super observant (like when my eyes are tired and need to take a quick rest, he asks why my eyes are weird ...) ... but it was fun :) And we we went to Techextravaganza today at TJHSST, which was fun!

32. It's basically all good for Katie coming to shadow me (in the afternoon) on the 21st!! She's shadowing Danietta in the morning. She's like a little sister to me -- I've known her since she was a second/third grader. So yeah. I secretly hope she picks here over UVA (She got into the University Scholars program here...so...)...so...

33. My wonderful mother did some of my laundry for me today when I was home.

34. Through St. Jude's intercession, a situation got fixed today.

35. The CCM dance was a lot of fun! Brought back a lot more memories of junior year unexpectedly ... but that was okay. They were good memories.

36. Talking with Brittanie (one of my best friends from overseas/just in general) the past couple days ... I really wish she went to Mason. I'm so glad she decided to go to college in the states... I have no idea how I would have survived otherwise.

37. Stephy, Noeli, Katie R. & Sarah M. : You all have been really great this week in terms of me venting about stuff this week ... you all know you can vent to me any time :)

38. My testimony ... I got through it. there were things I said that I wish I didn't say and things I wish I said ... but live and learn.

39. BASS CLARINET NOW EASIER!! Thanks to Professor Delaney recommending a different reed and cork grease and all her patience to help me.

40. I felt like it was the right thing to withdraw from sight singing, and I don't regret I did.

41. The BEAUTIFUL weather for this past week ... and that's coming up next week!

And that is all for now :)

Quick thanksgivings...

2011-04-04T22:05:00.004-04:00

Since I have to lead Night Prayer tonight so I have to rush downstairs/study intensely for a music history test, this is going to be a quick blog entry:

23. On Sunday, I got to help with my mom's old work, the JCS, for it's 20th Annual Rose Mass. I always love helping at those events. I also had the funniest small world experience ever....

24. My guardian angel woke me up and I ended up being only 3 minutes late to class when I accidently dozed off to sleep again after my mom called.

25. Going to daily Mass today! and every day of the week I can for that matter! but especially today.

26. Adoration on Monday nights ... .I'm going to miss that SO MUCH next semester.

27. Fellowship with friends :)

28. This BEAUTIFUL weather! Makes me wish I actually wear flip flops/sandals ... but alas, I'm an oddball, and I'm not a huge fan of either ... probably because none really fit my feet.

29. The fact I did listen to my gut and withdrew from Sight Singing II. I just can't honestly do it and it was a rough test day for it. But I KNOW it's going to click some day ... there are some days I just wish my grandmother's perfect pitch ability did get passed down to me instead of skipping me.

Lent's halfway over .... and I'm only at 29. Ahh I need to catch up!!

EDIT: (10:45) - - Laura came back, so I didn't have to lead Night Prayer.

Sense of humour ...

2011-04-01T00:56:00.002-04:00

So, I just decided to download the talks from TNS from this semester and last semester.

I'm deciding to listen to the testimony ones for inspiration for having mine be neater.

Well, I listen to the one from FOCUS outbreak this spring (the first one).

And then, right after, (my itunes is on shuffle, and for the record, not all of the songs are in my library right now because I didn't plug in my portable hard drive).

Audrey Assad's "Come Clean" came on.

Too. funny.

So many blessings

2011-03-29T22:51:00.003-04:00

When I went to bed last night (which was awfully late, because of working on papers), I knew today was going to be a tough day.

It is the six year anniversary of my uncle Colin's death. For those of you who didn't know (which, is probably most, if not all of you, he was one of my first real inspirations with music and it was him and his wife (my aunt Lydia) who gave me my first musical instrument, a baby keyboard, when I was seven or so. That's when I began really loving music like I never did before. A whole blog entry on all of this will be on Thursday or Friday, not sure which yet...

Anyways, so many blessings today!

15. I was running late to percussion because my email was being slow. Professor K. was on time, but stepped out of the room before I got back ... hence, I got to act like I was on time-ish. We also got out 15 minutes early.

16. I forgot my Word Among Us Book and I had every intention to bring it to Mass today (which, can I rejoice how happy I was that it was in the Gold Room today?). I was feeling a little down because I didn't have it, but then Alex G. asked me to read. ... and I lectored for the first time ever! It was awesome! A little nerve wracking because I feel so unworthy to read God's word, but hey, a small prayer to the Holy Spirit before hand helps a whole lot :)

17. On the readings this week .... can I just say how I love they are ALL about mercy? It makes me so joyful. Especially since Fr. Peter's homily really rang true today -- how many times DO we hold grudges and hold onto things and how God just forgives and forgets? I mean, I have had my own set of grudges ... but just hearing that made me think "wow ... that was so selfish of me ... I was just like the guy who was forgiven but then demanded money from the other servant" (which, so happened to be the Gospel :D). I mean, thinking about it, grudges are stupid. Letting to of my last one on September 28, 2010, and final healing on another one just back in December .... everything's been so grand :)

18. I got an 100% on my teaching project for class strings! And a 98% on the viola playing test! And a 100% on my written test!!

19 I FINISHED MY DIDO AND AENEAS PAPER!! It's due on the 7th, which means I have just a little over a week to edit it and strengthen it. And it's roughly 1800-some words ... word count is about 1500. Sweeet.

20. Dinner tonight was lovely! I really didn't have much plans. I ran into Danietta, and then I had dinner for a bit with her, Hannah R., and Bridget ... and then after, I saw Cece, and I had dinner/talked with Tilson, Finn, and their friend who I can't spell his name but is Serbian ... so it was a great night for talking ...

21. I'm remembering a lot more of how to play Mozart's Concerto in D, movement 2 (which I haven't worked on really since my senior year of high school for solo ensemble festival/IB Music)... so it won't be too bad to memorize. Only issue is it's causing a lot of memories. But it's okay :D :D

22. SIX PEOPLE CAME TO NIGHT PRAYER! (including me) That made me happy :D Thanks Andrea, Carmen, Danietta, Laura, and Ryan!!

And that's all for now :D Thank you Jesus and God for a wonderful day :D

Thanks. Be. To. God.

2011-03-27T01:50:00.002-04:00

My fourteenth blessing: I got to go to Connecticut.

When I applied to ASBs, my first impulse was CT. But I really missed Religion classes so I applied to St. John.

I was transferred to CT because St. John was full.

CT was one of the most amazing weeks ever. We did so much service, praying, learning about our faith and ourselves, etc.

It's so funny. I knew I wasn't supposed to go to the DR...they ended up doing manual stuff that may have caused issues with my back. I looked at IL pictures today ... (because it's Sunday, I decided to check facebook) ... definitely saw a sign I wasn't supposed to in IL.

So, I guess out of all the ASBs, I was originally and always God's will intended for me to go to CT.

And I'm so grateful :D

Les Miserables

2011-03-23T23:57:00.002-04:00

Okay, first off, I know I have entries I need to do. I have three tests/quizzes and two papers due tomorrow (I'm done with one) ... well, the other's a rough draft.

However, I stumbled across this video

In My Life/A Heart Full of Love

Les Miserables was one of the first professional musicals I saw. I was fourteen, it was New Years Eve, and I was confused as confused can be. This was not the production I saw. I remember seeing it and wishing to be Cosette so badly ... like ... so ... badly. I had no idea why. I listened to it a lot after I saw it on stage. Seeing Les Miserables made me want to return to theatre. I didn't know why at the time, but I knew I couldn't put off not returning to it any longer.

Auditions came for the spring play. I forgot to audition. I couldn't do the one acts because of the concert band trip.

I did theatre stuff at BI ... but overseas I wanted to do everything theatre related possible. I found out that they did Les Miserables my freshman year of high school ... the same year that I knew I had to do theatre again.

Wow. I love how that all worked together in God's plan.

So my 9th Thanksgiving and is stumbling across this video from a website and 10th is to God for letting me do theatre overseas. It helped me so much.

I also did not fail my dance exam (which I thought I did - 11th) and I got a B on my theory midterm (12th) - although I could have gotten an A if I didn't make any stupid mistakes. ... so I'm relieved. And it rained today (13th) ... despite semi hurting.

And one day, I want to play Cosette. Or sing "In My Life". I don't care when, but I want to do it.

Praise the Lord!

Thinking ....

2011-03-20T10:54:00.012-04:00

This isn't the blog entry about the trip -- that will be coming soon!!

I've been thinking a lot recently.

Mark & I : St. Patrick's Cathedral, New York, NY, March 16, 2010: Just about a year and nine months since we last saw each other. I believe we last saw each other at my high school graduation in Wassenaar, Netherlands. Europe. We're both American.

Victor, Imogen, and I at the Lincoln Memorial, D.C.. Victor is Brazilian-Dutch. Imogen is Colombian-Irish(?). I'm American. I last saw Victor probably on June 18, 2009, on the last school day of ASH calendar year. I never met Imogen prior to that day, but she knew Lauren F., who is really good friends with Audra, who I went to grade school with, as well as Imogen's best friend, Catherine, goes to ASH now. The date? February 20, 2010. So a month ago from this blogpost. I still need to do a blogpost about that adventure...
Charity and I. We're both American, we're from the same area in Virginia, yet, it took a move by both of us, two separate years, 3000+ miles away to meet. Her mom knew a family friend of ours when she was in the US Navy Band. Emily C. recognizes the name of Charity from WTW. Charity's best friend from Woodson, Adam, went to homecoming with Katie R., who I've known since longer than almost anyone else I know. However, we really didn't really start hanging out more till eighth grade, once it dawned on us. We obviously met in the Netherlands because that is when God knew we needed each other for our friendship the most. This picture was taken on December 19, 2010. That was almost three years since Winter Ball in her and my junior year. That means it was 3.25 years and 4 days after we met .... considering we are finishing up tea at a Panera Bread, in Fairfax. We last saw each other in Fairfax, July 20, 2008, before her family moved to Kenya (either 20th or 27th -- I need to double check, but I think it was the 20th).

Sarah R. and I. Yes, I realize this isn't the best picture of us from that day. Both American, both born-Virginians (northern VA, noneless) ... we meet in, again, the Netherlands. I meet Sarah early on during orientation week. She was also new. She also knew of my dad's cousin who taught at her old school. Again, we meet in Chantilly, near where her grandmother lives, at a pizzeria on July 15, 2010. We also saw her the year before when she was doing a summer program at JHU. I've been spoiled, I admit, of seeing her two times as much (well, technically, since I've seen everyone else once and her twice...) since I move back ... it's a treat.Finally: Ella and I. Ella is Israeli and she was one of my bus-mates and someone who I got to know, because she was also new around the time I was. Seeing Ella on July 29, 2009, was the most unexpected surprise I could ask for. I hadn't seen or really talked with her in over a year, and just although it was maybe only ten-fifteen minutes, the fact how she recognized me, despite us not talking since, I'm guessing, June 2008? It was just by pure coincidence though: it was funny, I had a feeling I was going to meet someone from ASH during woodwind camp, but then I was like 'nah, there's no way'. I'm getting my food and I hear "Julia-Anne, is that you?" "Wait ... Ella ... is that you??" Yep, bingo, it was her. I remember afterward, my new woodwind camp friends asked me who she was. And I said "One of my friends from overseas". Also, if ASH was a dream, why do I carry around a Minnie Mouse EuroDisney bag for my flute stuff?

Okay, so what's the point of posting all these pictures of me with people nobody who reads this blog really knows? *Unless my ASH friends are reading this secretly, and I hope you are!!! And Ireton friends and any friends are welcome to read now!! That's why it's open!!*

This proves the Netherlands was not a dream. I have felt it more and more being like a dream lately. But no, it was a reality. Was Ireton the dream?

If Ireton was the dream, why do I have this picture of me with Ireton people from my senior year and I remember flying back with my mom for this and we also saw "Ragtime" at the Kennedy Center that weekend? Granted, this was the last time I saw some of these people: May 8, 2009. The last time I saw some of these people was either at "Go Go Beach" or when I went to have lunch with Gabrielle & then a group of people hung out at Old Town, which was needed and a lot of fun.

If Ireton was also not a dream, I would have not have freaked out when Kerry A, my advisory buddy who I have not seen since prom that night, became facebook friends with Kate F, a friend who I met in Aberdeen, Scotland (who is also American), and who I last saw at Solo/Ensemble festival on January 31, 2009 and how Kerry saw her in September or October 2009?

Or was Corpus Christi the dream? Spending ten years at that school?

No. Paul wouldn't be in this picture of mine, although in Patriot gear, being silly by having the Mason basketball coach's face thing on him. And oh, Mason must not be a dream either, because there's Mike texting above him. Totally did not notice that until now. I've known Paul since I was four years old--he's my pseudo-cousin, his family's like my pseudo-family, everything. His family also likes to comment spree my status at times....

I also know Corpus Christi is not a dream because I reconnected Sean C. to someone he played paintballing with who went to ASH. But, I've known Sean C. since I was five, so...

And well .. Mike is just a CCM friend who went on ASB with me, so I know that Mason is not a dream because of going on ASB to Meridian and coming back yesterday.

Point : next year is going to be the first time, since grade school, I have spent longer than two years in a school. This is going to be weird for me. I feel antsy and wanting to study abroad, move on. But at the same time, I'm glad I don't have to deal with the stress of moving. I treasure my friends: wherever in the world & however they are. So, this makes my 8th thanksgiving for Lent: having friends from everywhere and how I still have been able to see them.

I guess what is also amazing is the fact how in elementary school, I was sometimes (and I admit, this is a selfish thought) wishing I could have something that no one else did in my class that would make me special.

Okay, how many people graduate from Corpus Christi and then go on to graduate from ASH for high school?

How many people had their dad promise to them they would take them to the Netherlands when they were 16?

How many people get to go to two foreign continents they have never been to in over a course of 13 months? (Yes, I know some people go to more)

Well God created one:

me. And I need to grow in thankfulness to Him for it.

I'm HOME!!

2011-03-19T18:10:00.003-04:00

I'm home!!!

For those of you who didn't know, I spent a week up in Meridian, CT, with the awesome Franciscan Sisters of the Eucharist.

It was an amazing experience. No one really wanted to leave later.

I'll download pictures and write up an entry once I finish telling people in real life what happened.

So what are my thanksgivings for now?

3. We got home safely. Thank you St. Christopher, Our Lady of the Highway, etc.!

4. For my family who came and drove me to Lot T to drop off my stuff (and dropping
Sonya, too!)

5. Having a fantastic trip.

6. I was able to see Mark G. over break -- more later.

7. God is so good :)

The alarms that turned off

2011-03-11T21:23:00.003-05:00

Most of you know I'm in Gina's Bible Study. Last night, we decided to cook breakfast casserole for this awesome place called the Lamb Center. I went to the Lamb Center one time in Spring 2010 with Jim (B) and Nick (Bas) and it was an awesome experience and very eye-opening.

This morning, I was going to have to wake up at 6 to meet Melissa, Danietta, (and I think Emily was going to go down too?) at 6:45 am by Rappahannock to go down to the Chapel to deliver it.

Preparing: My regular alarm was set for 6:30 a.m., in case I didn't hear the others. The three others were set for 5:59 a.m., 6:15 a.m. and 6:45 a.m. respectively. Mom was going to call me at 6 a.m.

Issue: Laundry finished later than I wanted to, so I was tired.

I go to sleep ... alarms are all ready to go off at the times.

All of a sudden, I wake up. It's 8:57 a.m. ALL of my alarms were off. I look.

My phone:

On silent, having 54-56 missed calls, most of them Mom calling every couple minutes, with the exception of four from Danietta.

Texts: I had eight or so, and my inbox was full so I kept on having to delete them. Again, with the exception being one from Melissa & two Sarah G.
My alarm clock:

Well, somehow the vibration was turned off.

Only logical explanations:

1. I somehow touched the alarms. However realistic it may be, I don't remember touching them. I could remember them being on ...

2. My guardian angel thought I need sleep ... so she turned them off, constituting me in getting three more hours of sleep because I had a test worth 12.5% of my grade that was kinda annoying today actually (mock test = so much easier) ... but in the process frazzling my mom.

___________________________________________________

But yeah . Over all a very interesting day. Christine came to visit today and that was A LOT of fun. I taught her violin today ... such an interesting experience but great :) And it was great to see her & catch up. I had dinner with Paul, too, (Paul M., my pseudo cousin) and it was nice, because we haven't had dinner much together this semester.

Now whoa whoa whoa, I know! How is this about God's love? Because I was woken up by my guardian angel, obviously, an hour and a half before I had the test, I saw/hung out with Christine today, and I had dinner with Paul. And despite everything, it was a beautiful day because I could walk around in a turtleneck and a sweater over it.

And, all and all, I'm a Child of God, so He always loves me :)

Off to CT for ASB! I'm so excited. I'll blog when I get back.

Lent - Day 2

2011-03-10T23:39:00.000-05:00

So ... Lent Day 2 ....

I still need to work on the promises. BUT I am not checking facebook. I did send a text message update, but that was all ... I mean, how often does an adventure happen during Bible Study?

As Sarah M. said, she's going to write about 100 Thanksgivings during Lent.

So I'm going to start with mine.

1. Life -- I'm so thankful to be alive, a child of God, and so much more. I mean, seriously ... how often do we thank God for being alive? We do thank Him ... just not for being alive.

2. Family, especially my parents:
This is from when we were in Poland, in 2009.

They're the ones who gave me life. Often times, and I admit I have, too, taken my parents for granted. But they're awesome and I love them very much.

To be continued!

Discernment

2011-03-09T05:47:00.000-05:00

I do have a post that more initiated this whole process, but I'll save it for another time.

Ever since the end of my senior year (basically, dress rehearsal at graduatio, I have tinkered with the possibility in going back overseas to teach.

I really felt like I was supposed to for a good period of time. I only worried about getting the coursework and having the preparation to do so ... and being accepted.

Flash forward to a couple months later ... I felt like I wasn't supposed to go over.

Flash forward to present-time.

A few weeks ago, I prayed about if I'm supposed to go overseas again.

Suddenly, I heard multiple international students, where I never saw them as often before.

- I help what turns out to be a Dutch person go visit Victor (whose Brazillian-Dutch).

Yesterday (as in Tuesday):

-SOO many ASH references. Ranging from schools people are playing and the content.......

So I don't know what's going on. Some of this is just the beginning.

MARDI GRAS!!!

2011-03-08T00:34:00.001-05:00

Today is the last day before Lent 2011.

Wooooooooow. Where is time going?

And I know I need to do work ... but here are my Lenten goals:

- NO FACEBOOK! not even hotmail email check. I will probably send text message updates for fb status but that's all.
- do exercises daily
- desert-like thing once a day.
-St. Teresa of Avila book -- I started during Advent but wasn't consistent.
-Confession weekly
-No meat on Wed.
-Bible meditations!!
-Prayer half an hour, minimum.
-Pray the rosary (as much as you can per day)

I hate to all sound whiny whiny .. but there's situations lately that don't make any sense. Like, they always have some connection with each other, no matter what. Yet, I don't understand why the connections occur, still ... God give me peace on what this is. I mean, I think I know what this is ... .but then why isn't it what appears to be what people's wills are right now? And I'm desiring Your will for me ... and these connections still occur ... but I won't be anxious. Just patient.

St. Katharine Drexel

2011-03-04T02:00:00.000-05:00

I was really humbled today ... but I need to stop boasting ... but I don't call it boasting ... it kinda is.

So I really should go to Confession on Monday ...

But today's the feast day of St. Katharine Drexel. I love her, she's amazing. I mean, I know some of her story, but I want to know even more.

...and is it too much to say how my distant cousin influenced her to a point? I mean, I found a picture of a letter he wrote to her and he suggested that she really would pray when she would go ......

So cool!

And I just was overwhelmed with joy to serve the poor during ASB, if I'm going to do so.

And the TNS talk today was about anxiety. SOOOO needed as well.

God has his perfect timing :)

Cardinals

2011-03-03T02:42:00.000-05:00

credit: http://www.ohio-nature.com/image-files/cardinal-lg.jpg

Cardinals. They're a beautiful breed of birds.

The story goes that Judy is there whenever there's a cardinal around.

Today, in masterclass, I was brave and bold. I decided to play for the first time in master class all by myself. I was nervous, I was not going to lie. I am not a performer by any means: teaching is my first love and I really don't like performing. I want to change that mentality, though. I mean, I love playing at Mass. I don't consider that "performing" though.

Anyways.

I get up to play. I get all nervous. I go into, what seems to be, my own little world. Jenny calls me on the carpet for it and startled me. I had to play more out for the audience. The idea of that terrified me. But, I survived. I really just need to get out of my bubble. The issue is after having so many insecurities with flute, it's really hard to break out of my bubble.

But I can do this. I know I can.

After, Jenny and I were talking about stuff outside. And there we go: there were cardinals flying.

Judy, I love and miss you. But I know you're praying for me to still be able to do music education, I know you are. There's no other explanation.

:)

2011-03-02T01:31:00.001-05:00

I'll be honest, I haven't blogged that much for a variety of reasons.

It really is amazing how God shows love. But it's been tough lately.

I really am taking the Great Commandment (you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart ...) seriously more ...

I mean, I'm healing ... and that just makes it heal faster ... until something else .... which then when I try to heal from that, confusion ensues.

I love you, God. Forever.

Blog entry two!

2011-02-19T18:35:00.000-05:00

Hello hello!

I have unfortunately been neglecting this blog, and since Sarah posted something ... she's inspired me to write an entry!

This past week was filled with a lot of blessings.

On Monday, Valentine's Day, I was able to do better than I thought on the Sight Singing test. Not great, still, but yeah.

On Tuesday, I was SO frustrated with music ed. But then a light shown through :)

On Wednesday, the theory quiz went pretty well (I hope?) and there was a beautiful new CCMer! Gianna Claire!

On Thursday, TNS was b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. And everything went alright!

On Friday, I don't even remember now. But it was a beautiful day & I was able to go to Mass!!

On Saturday, it was pro-life rosary. AND I connected with a cousin (thanks Joey!).

Beautiful week :)

New blog!

2011-02-13T15:07:00.001-05:00

So I decided to make a new blog for a variety of reasons.

1. The other one is too angsty. Let's face it : life is short, God is good, and that was way too much angst.

2. Just because I want a fresh start?

3. Yeah.

So hello everyone! Here's my new blog. It is called "The Little Way" and name is littlewayoflove, named after St. Therese, of course! I am on a goal as of today to start doing little things of love/finding little ways God shows His love for me, others, just signs of love, etc. I don't know why today ... well, since today's February 13th, and tomorrow's Valentine's Day, why not?

Enjoy!